the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
