Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
