did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
