Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
