I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
3 2 1 whiskey
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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