Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
