God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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