Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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