This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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