Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I need moral support for this bender
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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