Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
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