My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
