...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
