Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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