I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
