He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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