Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
