Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
