it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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