i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
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