The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
There r osticjed everywhere
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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