Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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