She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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