I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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