I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
