When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
