Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
