I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
