The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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