I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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