did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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