1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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