Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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