Swine flu. Run for my life!
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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