So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
