I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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