our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
