Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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