So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize