so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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