shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
