his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
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Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
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sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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