hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
