we made out on top of his cat.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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