I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
