I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
