i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
