I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
