You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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