i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
