Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
