I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
