Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
