Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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