The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
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he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
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Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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