wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
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