she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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