you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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