I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
