Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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