she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
