I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
