I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
