pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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