What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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