I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
