Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
