I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
