they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
i think im in europe. pls send help
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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