I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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