I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
