I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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