I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
