if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
