I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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